When my baby was born, they put the baby right on my chest. It was an overwhelming feeling. Love, joy, relief... I could finally see my beautiful baby.
Then came the time to get the baby to latch. I had no idea what to do. I took a class on breastfeeding during pregnancy, but I didn't know how to position my hands, or how to read baby's cues. I read a breastfeeding book, but in that moment, it was as if I forgot everything I read. Thankfully the L&D and postpartum nurses were amazing, and helped guide me. I was able to leave knowing that the side-laying position was a success for my baby and I. I was taught a couple of other positions but I did not feel as confident with these because they would literally cause me toe-curling pain, or I needed my husband to help me with some repositioning. (I'm so thankful he was present while the hospital LC and nurses were teaching us.)
In all honesty, I think the breastfeeding information that I should have known was lost through generations of bottle and formula feeding. I could not ask my mother or grandmother how to get a proper latch. Comments I would get were often like, "how do you know the baby is getting anything?" "Why don't you just put some formula in a bottle and give it to the baby?" "Are you sure the baby is getting fed? They're crying a lot."
Holding a newborn wasn't like holding a baby doll. I reminisced about the days of being a little girl and playing with dolls and having a tea party. Looking back, I never once had a time where I pretended to nurse my baby doll. Baby bottle toys were available with milk and disappearing OJ. Come to think of it, I don't even think I saw instances of breastfeeding, and if I did, I didn't pay any attention to it.
Now back to the toe-curling pain. When my newborn was latching, I would cry out in operatic singing, tense up my body, and pray that the first minute of latching would be over. Then after a minute or two, it was all better. What was I doing wrong? Was it going to hurt like this forever? I had a lot of doubt. It felt like sandpaper. My nips were damaged. I had scabbing. I used hydrogel pads and nipple cream, which helped tremendously. The fabric of my nursing nightgown would get stuck to my scabbed nipples, and I had to slowly peel it off. Milk was definitely in. At day 4 it was like I had breast augmentation overnight. I did everything I was taught in the hospital with positioning and hand expression.
Fact. I wasn't doing anything wrong. I was doing everything I could with the knowledge I had at that time. I needed a lactation consultant to help me. In hindsight, I should have met with a LC postpartum. I had trouble finding a LC covered through insurance.
So what does toe-curling pain mean? Common reasons may be...
Not a deep enough latch
My baby could have had restricted tongue or lip movement
Nip wasn't reaching back to the baby's soft palate
Positioning may not have been in-line
Yeast/thrush/candidiasis/candida or other nipple damage
I pushed through the pain. I would say, for me personally, after two weeks, it resolved. I guess baby and I figured it out. I repeated this exact same process with baby #2...
My recommendation is this. If you are postpartum and you are having toe-curling pain that makes you grimace and cry out and scream, please, please, please reach out. Let's figure out WHY that is happening. Ongoing toe-curling pain can only be tolerated so long. It may make you feel like throwing in the towel altogether and then put you down the spiral of mom guilt, and also have a tremendous impact on mental health. (We'll save that for another blog post.) I want you to be successful with how you envision your breastfeeding journey to look. So let's figure out the WHY together.
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